AH !

AHH ! Why am I so confused ?? I don't understand myself . AT ALL .
I tried to forget . Yes , it works . But not permanent . I just can't bring myself to a conclusion . WHY ? Why is it so hard to forget ? The feeling is back . The feeling that I never enjoyed ~

When I saw you , I felt my heart thumping . I was scared and I didn't know what to do . I turned and look at you . My heartbeat went faster . . . i didn't know what to do . As you look into my eyes , I got shocked ! The feeling was . . . Nice ? But I know I can't . He is not the one that can give me the secure , the love that i need . I turned away . I thought maybe it will only last only a while . But when we're stuck together , just the two of us , I became to worry . I don't know what to do . I can't look up . Just simply because I'm afraid I will look into your eyes . That fear that I never had . . .

When I accidentally hold your hand , I went blank ! I didn't realised that I did that , until the next day . How dumb I was . The feeling was nice but it will hurt . sigh :(

Holidays ~

tsk tsk . I've not been updating at all :X Well , i shall update what i remember now (:

28 Oct - 30 Oct :
COUNCIL CAMP !
FUN FUN FUN <3

31 October :
Halloween ! This year was my first year spending it . And I spent it with ......
PRISCILLA , PATRICIA , ELYANA , XI YA , CALVIN , NICHOLAS , ZHAN WUI AND EDMUND . hahaha , kinda like NP gathering uh ? XD
The girls came earlier to help to set up the decorations . After setting up , we watched 'The Day After Tomorrow ' while waiting for the boys to come .
At around 1 , the boys came . And we had a water welcome for them (: We prepared water guns and when they arrived , we hid . Calvin was like calling for us xx When we went to the door , i hide behind the door and SPRAY ! shiok ~

The boys played with cards while we complete watching the show . We watched ' Alvin And The Chipmunks 2 ' and had lunch - KFC ! YUMMY! Follow by monopoly game .
After that we bought water bombs and had a water war ! And played ball game with the pinata (: Me , Calvin , Zhan Wui and Nicholas went to look for Edmund with WATER GUNS . HEEHEE :>
At 7+ pm , the boys had to leave for soccer with the sirs . Elyana went home too . Me and Xi Ya stayed overnight at pris house cause next day we had Cadet Leaders Course .

Played monopoly deal till 12 + am xx FUN !

1st Nov - 3rd Nov :
CADET LEADERS COURSE !

6 Nov :
Went for Children Walk . Saw Fighting Spiders the actors and actresses . oh and Mrs SR Nathan . went shopping with pris , el and Ya after that .

9 Nov - 12 Nov :
came back to school for Open House Prep .

10 Nov :
Hildan Sparks rehearsal .

11 Nov :
Hildan Sparks !

13 Nov :
OPEN HOUSE !

!2 Nov :
Me, HJ , ME and Faith went for Class Chalet together in the evening . zzz , only the 4 of us there xx but we had fun talking and bbqing with Mr Chacko and Mr Shahril (:

13 Nov :
We went chalet again after Open House (: More people went (: Played chubby bunnny :D

18 Nov :
OEV BBQ gathering at ECP !
Met up with Jun Hao at Bedok MRT while Shirin is still at Tampines Interchange . Talk talk with him while waiting (: Went into the train that Shirin is on . She is at the last few cabin while me and Jun Hao were at the first few cabin . We wanted to meet at the middle cabin but it was too crowded . So we met outside at Paya Leabar instead .
Had a fun time spent with the peeps ! Miss them lots <3
Met up with da jie at downtown after the whole thing . around 11+pm .

19 Nov :
went to Bev's house to celebrate daddy and kaka eddie's birthday ! BBQ AGAIN !

20 Nov :
Went for bev's choir concert .

Listening ears . . .

All i need is a pair of listening ears . Someone that is willing to sit down and listen to me , give me advice , comfort me . That is all i need . But it seems really hard . Problems after problems .

I just don't understand a guy's thinking . When they claim that they like / love you , they do everything to make you happy . They make you feel like you belong to them . And when time pass by , when you unknowingly fell in love with him . He changed . He 's no longer the same guy that you knew . He ignores you , well , maybe talk to you when they feel like , but dump you aside after that .

I just hate that feeling . Betray . Why ? Are all the guys the same ? Well , i know there are some who won't and I really want to thank them . But i just don't understand . Is this natural for guys to be like this ? I really don't dare to love . I've enough of being betrayed , left alone . . . I won't be dumb and believe every guy now . I won't .

Guys , are not my everything . The past , present and future . They will never be my everything .

I won't love anymore , Until the right guy unlocks that lock in my heart . . .